We hold onto things for dear life.
And there is something super healing about letting that be okay. I believe that half the reason we hold onto things is because others don’t want us to.
Our things serve us in some way. Or they have served us in some way, and these things have now become a part of who we are. I mean, what would happen to us if we let go?
When others won’t accept, even when they mean well, even when they are only trying to save us from ourselves, when they think moving us would better serve us and make us a better person, it’s feels like they are not accepting us as we currently are. This acceptance is very important to us, because it makes us feel safe.
My daughter worries a lot about her academic and extra-curricular portfolio and getting into college. If I tell her not to worry, she doesn’t say, “Mom, thank you, now I won’t worry.” But we say stuff like that all the time, as if that is exactly what they will say. In fact, she worries even more. When I see how much she cares about doing well; when I see how much her desire for excellence is built into her sense of self, I share in her concern. I don’t worry with her. I just understand that she is in pain and I sit in that space with her without trying to fix it. Only when invited, I will brainstorm with her ideas and options without getting attached to any outcome and with honest respect for the process she is going through as a human being. With moral support on her side and nothing else to fight, she, herself, finds the balance she needs. Sometimes almost immediately.
When I was her age, I struggled with eating disorders. I eventually stopped, only to start back up again in my late twenties. After a few bouts, I told my doctor several times over two one hour sessions, and he did not respond to it. Why wasn’t he? Finally, I decided to get to the bottom of it with him. I said, “Look, I’m throwing up again.”
I mean, perhaps I expected him to tell me the harm I was doing to my body (which I already knew) and to tell me to stop. Isn’t that what any good doctor would do?
Sometimes we just need to purge. In fact, purging is a part of some detox programs. It sounds like… you just need to purge.
Took me completely off guard.
I threw up one more time after that. Then I let it go.
Kundalini Yoga Quotes:
“I’d never felt anything like it; it was just an opening of energy and a feeling of such liberation.” -Marika Bethel, owner, Glowing House