I was having a conversation about the upcoming Authentic Relationships course with a true Goddess who was teetering back and forth (yes, even goddesses teeter). Her conflict wasn't whether or not she should to take it. It was whether or not she should take it now... there was a scheduling conflict already for her for that weekend, and that conflict put two things she values very much into the wrestling match: her family and her personal & professional growth work.
So I want to share some of our conversation below, reformatted. And then I will end with a quote by PhD Susan David on The Power of Emotional Agility & Why Discomfort is the Price of Admission to a Meaningful Life. It's a darn good quote to help us better position our relationships with our emotional conflicts (because our conflicts stem predominantly from our emotions).
Relationship is EVERYTHING.
Having authentic relationships will shape the nature and depth of your relationships, which go way beyond that of your significant other... your children, your family of origin, your work, your alone time, your car, your bills, your passions & hobbies, food, your body, your practice, the courses you take, your past, how you think about aging... relationship with your fears, your hungers, YOU.. and so on.
Your decisions are informed by your relationships; they are the source, the foundation, the lens through which you see.
Your relationship to your emotions will determine whether it will fuel your devotion or add to the commotions of your life.
These are reasons why we believe this is the course to take as your foundation, or precursor, to anything else you are considering.
Below are some Q&A covering some concerns that came up. If you have additional questions or concerns, please reply to this email and share them with us!
If something else is happening that weekend that is also important to me, maybe it means timing just isn't right, and I shouldn't fight it.
First, there is nothing to fight.
And know that timing isn't right only if you decide timing isn't right.
Heads up: the moment you decide to do something, something else will monkey wrench your life to test the conviction of your decision. It could be anything from an unforeseen event to a financial shift. Make a decision balancing your perceived limitation with the "future pulling" of what you want for yourself.
But the two conflicts are both important to me. I don't know what to choose. I'll feel guilty either way.
We strive to uphold many values in our lives: having present time with family, finding meaningful, purposeful work, having God-connection, having good health, keeping our word or commitment, and many more. At any point in time, a decision we make can feel like choosing one value over another. Don't look to the logistics, to what's easier, or to what people may think about you to make a decision. Look to your core values and how that decision will make long-term impact on you and on those you care about.
Also, I invite you to look at guilt in a different way. When I am doing work that is important to me, and I have been away from my family for one too many evenings, I feel a little guilty. That guilt affirms that I love and value my family. And it works the other way. What's wrong with that? It acts as an internal check as well as an affirmation that I have some good things going in my life that are worth balancing.
Maybe I could take something else for now, a different course, something smaller, more do-able. I have many interests. There are lots of things I want to take (followed by a list of possible things to take).
That's a possibility for sure.
Just note that often when we make a blanket statement like that, it's equivalent to saying, "I'm not interested in anything."
Because those blanket statements are statements that stop us right in our tracks from choosing anything at all.
Those statements are typically followed by nothing more than the same conversation the next time an opportunity arises and another event conflicts with it.
I, too, have interest in a multitude of things. But I have learned to make choices, one at a time. And with each choice I make, I find myself further along and more "specialized." The rest become interests that I enjoy delving into in my spare time (ha! but I do find it; we all do-- Netflix, cough, Amazon Prime, CNN, cough, cough).
I really want to take it, but my budget isn't budging.
Finances are a real thing, and it's a very personal decision that you need to make because no one else will have to live the results of your decisions. Having said that, numbers don't always work the way we think they do.
I took teacher training Level 1 back in 2005 when my children were 8 and 3. I was recently divorced, lost my house and was in a TON of debt. Also, I didn't have a full-time job at the time and was getting very little child support.
I believed that this course would give me the tools to shift my internal compass and, well, my reality. So I said yes to the $2000 teacher training (not responsible, right?? GULP!).
I didn't ask for work exchange because I simply didn't have the time or energy (or desire, tbh) to make that happen when I had to figure out how to get myself back on my feet and turn my life around. Instead, I asked for flexibility in payment schedule, and I was determined to step into my ability to pay, and to have my tuition paid in full by the last day of training. Every time I had cash in my hand, I made a payment. I was committed to finding the means, and the timeline gave me urgency.
The pleasant surprise, which I continue to experience to this day, is that when I say YES to the things that I know are important to my growth, the things I need manifest, one way or another, as long as I hold the intention to show up for it substantially. Often, what I manifest is exactly the amount I need and not a dime more, but who am I to complain. I believe this is what it means to "future pull" and to trust in Something Greater that is always rooting for my forward progress. That Something Greater shows up with as much intensity as I do, and actually more. I believe that had I made a different, more "practical" decision (that my parents could understand) to not take the training and, I don't know, work for Starbucks because.. health insurance, I wouldn't be as happy, healthy, and whole as I am today.
Hope this was helpful, or at the very least (thought- or emotionally) provoke-ing.
Make your decision(s) from an authentic place. And if you are not sure what that is, perhaps taking a course on Authentic Relationships is the call.
Said Susan David, PhD:
The reality is that tough emotions is a part of our contract with life. We don't get to have a meaningful career, or raise a family, or leave the world a better place, without stress and discomfort.
With Love, Grit and Gratitude,
Savitree Kaur, E-RYT
Kundalini Yoga Quotes:
“I’d never felt anything like it; it was just an opening of energy and a feeling of such liberation.” -Marika Bethel, owner, Glowing House